Marriage is a wonderful thing. It is incredibly satisfying and rewarding provided it is with the right person. Obviously, there is no perfect partner, but this does not mean a person need to short change themselves and compromise the most important aspects that they desire in a spouse. When it comes to finding the right person to be with one should proceed with caution. Many “Mr. Wrongs” and host of “Mrs. Not the Right One” will often come along before “Mr. or Mrs. Right” does.
Does this mean some people marry the wrong person? Absolutely. Some people do marry people that are abusive and toxic. I see it all the time. When it comes to marriage there is also what you might describe as “good, better, and best.” Now, I am not saying that just because a person does not marry the best option means they are doomed in their marriage or should not try to work on it. Outside of abuse and perhaps infidelity, two people can turn their relationship into something wonderful. Much of marriage is simply a choice. Two people that are willing to work hard can turn “good” into “best”. Two people that are lazy in their relationship can make downgrade “best” into poor.”
What I am saying here, is that when a single individual is looking for the right person, they need to be vigilant. I have worked with a host of people who felt they jumped into a relationship too quickly due to the fact that they felt pressured or urgent. Making sure you have found the right person to spend the rest of your life with will make things sail much smoother than if you settle for less than ideal. Again, no person or relationship is perfect, but by paying close attention to potential spouses while dating them is only wise. As Benjamin Franklin put it, “Keep both eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards.”
This being said, let’s just look at a few specific things to keep in mind when weeding through potential marital partners.
- How do they speak to their parents?
- How do they treat other people?
- What does their relationship history look like?
- Do they honor other commitments in their lives?
- What are their friends like?
- How do they handle their finances? Have they racked up large amounts of consumer debt?
- Does God factor into their lives? Is He of importance?
- Do we both want the same things out of life?
- Do they have goals that they are pursuing?
- Are our goals compatible?
- If this person becomes disabled will I be willing to change their diapers? Things may be good now, but what about when worse comes?
- Are any addictions present?
- Do we seem to argue a lot?
- Are there any red flags I am ignoring because I want this relationship to work so badly?
- Our current problems will be magnified once we marry. Are we both willing to address these areas of conflict?
- Is this person truthful? Have I caught them in lies?
- Am I trying to change this person? A person’s temperament and personality remain fairly constant. Am I alright if this person remains the same after we are married?
- Is there more here than attraction or infatuation? Beauty is fleeting.
- Can we agree on the big issues in life?
- Do I like/can I get along with their family? You do not marry someone for their family, but be prepared to have to spend time with their family.
- Does this person consume pornography?
- Is this person respectful towards me?
- Does this person listen to my input and opinions?
These are just a few things to for all you single ladies and guys to ask yourselves about your relationships. Marriage is a big deal. It has been devalued and approached as expendable, but the truth is that matrimony welds two people together in an inexplicable way. When two people separate they can never be completely separated. Fragments remain when “one” is ripped into “two”. So keep both eyes open during the years of searching. No one is perfect, but no one is worth settling for either.
God has the right person in store for you. Seek His will. Don’t ignore things that you dislike or that should not be there. Wait for the one God has for you.
“It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.” – Proverbs 25:24
Walk good. Live wise. Be blessed.
What are some things you would advise single people to keep in mind when searching for a spouse? Any red flags to look for?