Several years ago a movie was released starring Mel Gibson called What Women Want. In the film, Gibson acquires the ability to hear women’s thoughts, thus opening him up to a far greater understanding of how women work. Long before this movie came on the scene, guys understood that women are complex beings worthy of the time to takes to understand them.
Guys on the other hand, are portrayed as being simple. The list, which most give, on what it takes to meet a woman’s needs is presented on page after page. So what about men? It has been suggested that to meet a man’s needs all a wife has to do is show up naked and bring food. While it is true that men love both food and sex, not necessarily together, there is more to understanding a man and meeting his needs.
Ladies, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you will probably never get the clairvoyant abilities that Mel Gibson had to help you understand your husband. I also know that a large amount of men do not express their needs explicitly. So what about if we talk about what it is that men want/need out of marriage?
We should first point out that no two people are alike. Men have different needs from one individual to another, but I believe that are certain needs that all men generally have in one form or another.
One of the biggest needs men have is respect. The idea that men need respect gets thrown around often, but much of the time no one really discusses what respect looks like. How does a woman respect her husband? This topic could be greatly elaborated on, but let’s discuss some of the important aspects of respecting your husband. First, respect means appreciating his good qualities and loving him through his bad qualities. Not that you should never bring up problems or things that need to be changed, but knowing he is not and never will be perfect. It is loving who he is instead of trying to bend him into being something he is not. To respect your husband means you don’t criticize your husband or put him down to others. You also don’t call him out on his faults in front of other people; instead you address them in private. At the very foundation, respect is trust. It means trusting him as a leader instead of second guessing every decision and move he makes.
Another need that men have is to be appreciated. I think we all have this need regardless of our gender. Your husband can’t read your mind. While you may appreciate him very much he needs to be told. Let him know how thankful you are for what he does.
Men also desire closeness to their wives. They want to feel a sense of connectedness. Often, men are portrayed as stoic faced lone wolves, when in reality they very much desire to feel close to their wives. I have spoken with so many men who are married and feel lonely. Though society might minimize the emotional needs of men, they are very much there. Stay connected with your husband. Do for him what you might like him to do for you. Notes, texts, phone calls, and open conversations help promote a sense of connectedness.
Men also want to do things with their wives. Men thrive on mutual activities. Generally, women like to talk more and men like to do more. Sit back and examine a room full of couples. Most of the time you will see women congregated together talking and the men will be playing basketball out of wadded up paper with a trash can or some other such activity. Men even communicate best when they are in the middle of doing something. It could be going for a walk, playing a game, washing the car, watching a movie, and believe it or not, some men actually like shopping.
I think most guys also want to be desired and sought after. This means that it’s a wife’s job to build her husband up and make him feel desirable. So often, I hear women talk about how attractive other men are right under their husband’s nose. If that were flipped, if the husband was talking about how attractive another woman was, there would be all kinds of fires to put out. Your husband wants to know that you are attracted to him and that he is desirable.
Men also want to be trusted. They don’t want to be micromanaged or bossed around. Sure, wives are partners to their husbands. They get input into how things are done and where the family is headed. Having input and micromanaging are two entirely different things. Where there is an environment of mistrust, husbands feel the need to hide more. The more they feel that their actions or decisions are going to be met with criticism or hostility the less likely they are to share and be transparent.
Food and sex are great, but there is a whole lot more that men need in a marriage.
Walk good. Live wise. Be blessed.
So guys, what do you think? What needs have I missed?