When it comes to having discussions with people about beliefs, worldviews, and ideas, we can often miss poorly constructed arguments and poor thinking without realizing it. We know that ideas come in many shapes and sizes. Some of the arguments, or cases that people present, stink, while others are formed with much precision and consideration. Part of the Christians calling in sharing the Gospel is looking for poor ways of thinking, including our own.

When it comes to arguments we must constantly work to make sure the other party stays on task. Often, irrelevant matters are smuggled into a discussion to win an argument. It happens all the time. We have to learn to spot these fallacies when they are employed.

Some people try to dodge the issue under discussion by attacking their opponent. They try to bully people into buying into their ideas. Logic goes out the window and threats are used. Often people will attack a person’s character  in an attempt to win the argument or because they have not thought through their position well. For example, in court a lawyer might try to persuade a jury to throw out the testimony of a witness because he is a drunk. The fact that a person drinks does not necessarily damage what he witnessed while sober. Just because a minister had a sinful past does not mean he is not dedicated to the Lord’s work in the present. Some people will attack a person’s argument based on circumstances surrounding them. I once had an individual tell me that we should not employ the apologetics of C.S. Lewis because he studied Norse (pagan) mythology. This is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Some people bypass logical principles by trying to argue from ignorance. This is where people hold to an idea until it is proven false. In other words, ignorance is bliss. This is a land where closed minds are grown and thrive. Ignorance doesn’t prove anything. We must look at the evidence. I have heard atheist argue, “God doesn’t exist because I have never seen any evidence for him.” Then Christians are just as guilty, “God must exist because no one can prove he doesn’t.” Both of these arguments lack any substance. We must examine the positive evidence and weigh it.

Many people employ the weight of what the majority holds to be true in attempt to win an argument. “Everyone else believes this and your are stupid if you reject it.” There is a problem with this line of thinking. Everyone can be wrong. The vast majority of people use to believe the world was flat. The majority of Germans believed that Jews were an “inferior species”. Just because everyone holds to a belief does not make it so. What is the positive evidence? Don’t be bullied by the “everyone else believes this” steamroll.

Along similar lines, some will appeal to authority figures to give weight to poor arguments. “Lawrence Krauss holds to the idea that the universe arose from nothing so it is true.” “Stephen Hawking believes we live in a Godless universe so there is no God.” “Fox news said that the President has an alcohol problem so you can take that as the gospel.” “Joel Osteen says if you just live right all your problems will go away and so it is.” Just because someone in an authority position makes a statement does not make that statement irrevocably true. What is the evidence? We should listen to people in authority, as long as they are an actual authority. Often authorities in one field try to act as though they are authorities across many other disciplines and this diminishes their weight of their statements. The theological and philosophical rantings of Richard Dawkins is a prime example of an authority overstepping their bounds. Ultimately, all appeals to authority boil down to the evidence that authority has to support their statements.

In attempt to shape a discussion in their favor, advocates of certain beliefs often attempt to appeal to pity or tug at people’s heartstrings in order to win an argument. “Well, if abortion isn’t legal women will be having back ally, coat hanger abortions that are unsafe.” “A loving God wouldn’t allow people to suffer in hell.” What are the facts? Leave emotion out of it. Let’s deal with the arguments.

Some people will try to eschew arguments based on the age of said argument. “That idea went out years ago.” “Believing that sex before marriage is wrong went out of vogue with the sexual revolution.” Ideas do not have expiration dates. The soundness of an argument or correctness of a statement has nothing to do with age. At times people may also implore you to accept their statement based on the future. “One day research will prove this.” “Data will eventually show that God does not exist.” The available data in the present rules the day. We can deal with future discoveries as they arise.

The more we practice sniffing out poorly constructed arguments the greater our sense develops for doing so. Continue to scrutinize the worldviews, ideas, and beliefs that people present, whether in the media, in online forums, from those in academia, or sitting in a circle of friends; you will spot bad arguments everywhere.

I am not encouraging an attitude of skepticism, only clear and correct thinking. When it comes to engaging culture, demolishing false ideological strongholds, or challenging the beliefs of others it is not attacking the opponent, appealing to an authority, or the age of the idea that wins the day. The way an argument is won is due to thinking through one’s own position and holding to facts grounded in evidence that best conform with reality.

Walk good. Live wise. Be blessed.
Josh

Recently, I went shopping with my wife. She had a few things to do and we were in somewhat of a hurry. We decided to divide and conquer. She sent me on quest to buy a candle for a friend of hers in order to save some time. That sounds like a bad idea doesn’t it? Apparently, she trusted my judgment in picking out a fragrance for her friend. I made my way into the alien world of Bath and Body Works. How many different scents can there be? As I started conducting my sniff test, I noticed something quickly. Some of the candles smelled wonderful (Summertime S’mores or Watermelon Lemonade anyone?) and other ones just plain stunk. Some of them made me feel a little nauseous even.

It is this sense that arguments are like candles, some of them stink and some of them don’t. When I say arguments, I don’t mean the form of two people bickering. I am referring to giving a defense for a belief or making a case for an idea. It is the Christian’s job to spot bad ideas and false arguments. We are to expose false ideas for what they are. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God.” (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV)

Bad arguments occur both within and outside of Christianity. At times, Christians construct ideas based off of their own desires or misinterpret scripture. This is how heretical doctrines are birthed or cults take root. There are also a multitude of bad ideas outside of Christianity that do not conform to reality.

As believers we need to be able to spot bad arguments, both our own and those of others. Sometimes people don’t intend to set forth bad arguments and a dialogue about them can change their view. Other times people fear the outcome of changing their view and they argue their point while they remain uncertain about it’s correctness. Then there are some that intentionally try to smuggle in bad arguments so they can be right. With that being said, lets sniff out some of the of the various ways that people argue poorly. These are often referred to as logical fallacies.

First, we may often notice that people use ambiguous terms, or accordion words that can be stretched, when they formulate their arguments. We see an equivocation of terms. Norman Geisler reminds us, “Ambiguity is one of the seven deadly sins of correct thinking.” Words mean different things to different people. Ambiguous language takes different forms. It may simply be a word a phrase with different meanings. Consider the following phrases. “He gave her cat food.” Did he give a lady’s cat some food or did he give the lady the cat’s food? “I like to eat grandpa.” Is someone telling grandpa that they like to eat, or do they consider older men a delicacy? “The lady hit the man with the newspaper.” Did she hit the man holding a newspaper or did she smack him with the newspaper? Words or phrases with different meanings can cause serious problems when trying to defend or engage a worldview.

We should also be aware that personal experience, worldview, and circumstances often affect how people use words as well. Terms like evolution or Christ are often laden with different meanings to different people. I have even seen people equivocate on the word “nothing”, using it as a universal negation and then as an absence of certain properties. Before any discussion can yield positive results, terms must be defined. Each party must know to what the other is referring, and how they view and understand the terms involved in the discussion. Unless each party understands the meaning behind the other person’s words, it is difficult to respond to or critique an argument.

Walk good. Love wise. Be blessed.
Josh

Continue Reading Part 2

Recently, I was sitting on the couch doing some reading while the rest of my family slept, when my phone chirped. It was a message from a good friend that asked, “Why do so many men struggle with anger?” While many women battle with anger, it seems that men as a whole are more susceptible when it comes to letting anger get the best of them. This is mostly because majority of men have a much lower emotional intelligence than do women. Again, there are plenty of men that have high levels of emotional intelligence, but in general, most men lack an adequate understanding of emotions and the expression thereof.

Anytime I discuss anger, I always like to give the reminder that there is nothing wrong with anger. It is just like any other emotion. God created anger, and it serves a beneficial purpose. It keeps us from getting walked on by others, it helps us stand up for injustice when we see it, and it lets us know where boundaries are too weak. Jesus got angry. There is nothing wrong with anger. It is the way that anger often gets expressed, or not expressed, that is the problem.

Anger becomes a problem when it becomes aggressive. When we try to harm others, whether physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally, anger has become a problem. The anger has moved from being an emotion and has become an intent to wound someone else. Aggression isn’t always expressed outwardly. Many men (and women too) think “Well, I am not slamming doors, yelling, or hitting my spouse so I must not have an anger problem.” But this assumption isn’t true. We are all also familiar with the term passive-aggressive. This is where the intent to wound someone is still there, but it is done by flying under the radar. It is where the silent treatment is given to punish or manipulate the other person. The passive-aggressive person might also withhold or stop meeting the other persons needs intentionally. It can also simply be sneaky meanness. I once new a guy that scrubbed the toilet with his wife’s toothbrush because he was so mad at her and she never knew (don’t worry honey, I would never).

Anger is also a problem when a man is passive. This means he never speaks up and talks about when he gets angry. He wants to avoid conflict, so he just says, “No, big deal. It isn’t worth bringing up.” Sure, some things are worth letting go, but some issues must be dealt with. The passive man eventually gets bitter because he never speaks up and the same problems reoccur.

So why do so many men struggle with not handling anger correctly? Because many men don’t understand why they are angry in the first place. You see, anger is called a secondary emotion. This means that majority of the time; there is an emotion behind the anger. The real emotion stays hidden and the anger gets expressed.

The emotion behind the anger could be anything. A man might feel disappointed, lonely, rejected, embarrassed, hurt, fearful, or any of the other dozens of emotions, but instead of identifying and dealing with the underlying issue anger gets expressed, and often with gusto.

Women often tend to fare better at identifying emotions because they are socialized with a better understanding of emotion and taught that it is healthy to express emotions. Many men, though this trend seems to be changing some with newer generations, are taught to suppress emotion because “guys have to be tough and don’t need to talk about all that stuff.” This later comes at a great price to many men because they don’t know how to identify, much less communicate, what is wrong in their lives. In creates problems in their marriages because when anger becomes aggressive it creates a rift in the relationship, and when men are passive they become bitter and a rift is also created. Either way, distance results in the relationship.

So the first thing men must learn to do is ask, “What is the emotion behind the anger. What is it that is making me mad?” “Am I feeling disrespected, taken advantage of, hurt, lonely? Just exactly what am I feeling?” Simply being mad, and communicating that we are mad does not do anything to fix the underlying problem.

Next, once the underlying emotion behind the anger is identified, it must be communicated and dealt with. Here, another struggle arises for us guys. Many men, even though they might know what the problem is, refuse to discuss the underlying emotion because doing so comes with a certain price, being vulnerable. It is much easier to be mad and act mad than it is to say “When you talk to me that way it makes me feel small”, “When you said that it really hurt my feelings” or “When you invest time in so many areas with little left for me I feel lonely.” Having conversations about our emotional hurts, insecurities, vulnerabilities and problems is not comfortable, but unless we do, the problem will keep occurring, our anger will continue to be expressed poorly and in a damaging way, and our spouse will wonder “Why is he so mad all the time?”

So, to all of us “Mad Men” what is at the core? What emotions are we allowing our anger to hide? We must work to identify them, label them, and then discuss them. Let’s not wait until our wives and kids begin to ask, “Why is he so mad all the time.” Anger can be destructive, but it doesn’t have to be. It is healthy when used as directed.

Identify. Label. Discuss. Change. Heal. Live.

Walk good. Live wise. Be blessed.
Josh

When I was younger, I had aspirations to change the world. I felt as though I had a blank canvas before me. What would I do with my life? I knew I didn’t want to waste it with drink or folly. I knew since about the age of sixteen that I was meant to work with people. I dreamed of making my impact on the world. Would I one day write a best seller? Would I invent a new form of therapy that would benefit thousands suffering with mental or emotional woes? How would I make my mark? I hoped it would be big.

It seems when we are young we have a desire to impact a lot of people; to change the face of the planet is it were. For some, life’s many distractions get in the way. For others, disillusionment sets in and they begin to feel that the world is broken beyond repair. They begin to view the world as an old, abandoned, worn down house. What does it matter if another window gets broken in the house? Its dilapidated, forgotten, and most don’t care anyway. Yet, for many, the older we get the desire to see the world change around us still resides within, but the sheer scope of our desire seems overwhelming. How can we change the world? Problems abound. People hurt. Tragedy strikes. Kids suffer abuse. The poor go hungry. Changing the world is harder than we thought. Our youthful idealism and exuberance begin to seem naive.

So how do we change the world? Is that desire still in you? Maybe the mention of it has awoken dreams long given up on. While its true that some do impact the world across time zones and hemispheres, most never will. We all know that the odds of our doing something to make a global impact is dismal, but as Christians, we are called nonetheless to change the world.

I think everyone falls into one of three camps when it comes to changing the world. There are those who have long given up and stopped trying. There are those who are changing the world right now, though they don’t know it. Then, there are those who understand the weight of their significance and are embracing their calling.

We may not change the world on a global scale, but we can change our immediate world. In doing so, the rest of the world is impacted. Often even, we might influence someone that directly changes the global footprint. Recently, my mom kept my children while I was mowing a widow in our churches grass. As I was slaughtering weeds like Paul Bunyen felled trees, I thought to myself, “My mom is mowing the grass too.” The fact that she kept my kids allowed me to help someone that needed it. So, her service to me my by watching my kids, was also a service to this woman in need. Furthermore, it was also a service to Christ because He said, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me.” It’s like a domino effect. My mom helped me, so I could help someone else, and in doing that, her service was to Christ.

As I continued to work on grooming this yard, I began to think of how interrelated our helping others turns into them impacting the world further. For example, Charles Stanley had Sunday School teachers of his own. Little did they know that they were teaching a man who would reach millions one day with his own preaching. Alexander Flemming, who discovered Penicillin, had grade school teachers that impacted him. The wonderful writings of C.S. Lewis, were influenced heavily by the lesser known author, George MacDonald. We might also think if the millions of children who do wonderful things with their lives only because they had loving parents that poured their lives into them, or perhaps the Christians that travel to foreign lands after sitting under their preacher for years.

Often, we never give thought to the small influence and impact we make on others. Through our pouring our lives into a few people around us, we may ultimately impact thousands. We have a large calling and responsibility. We are to invest in the people around us!

Have we given up on changing the world? It’s time to reengage. Have we thought our significance small? Then we need to remember that what we do for a few goes on to impact a multitude. Who can we invest in? How can we help those around? We all have a calling and a mission.

Jesus used twelve men to turn this world upside down. He believed in the principle of compounding interest. Invest in a few people, who then invest in a few more, and so on. As this chain grows the world finds itself different. The problem comes when we ditch our calling to influence those around us and break a piece of the chain.

It starts at home. We need to invest in our kids and marriages. Then our relationships in the community and marketplace. As we all do this, we might just find that we have changed the world. In doing so, we have also served Jesus Christ as we were called to.

Walk good. Live wise. Be blessed.
Josh

I don’t read scary books, but apparently a lot of people do. Stephen King, Mr. Boogyman himself, has sold over 350 million books. In fact, there is a forest strictly devoted to milling paper solely for his books. Okay, maybe I made that bit about the forest up, but the fact remains that his macabre mind has slain a lot of trees.

Last week, National Public Radio interviewed Mr. King, and he was asked about his beliefs in God. King asserts, “If you say, ‘Well, OK, I don’t believe in God. There’s no evidence of God,’ then you’re missing the stars in the sky and you’re missing the sunrises and sunsets and you’re missing the fact that bees pollinate all these crops and keep us alive and the way that everything seems to work together. Everything is sort of built in a way that to me suggests intelligent design.” Here, he waxes both theological and philosophical. King echoes the thoughts of Plato, the ancient Greek philosopher, who once said, “The order of the motion of the stars, and of all things under the dominion of mind which ordered the universe” often leads men to believe in God. The Apostle Paul also makes his case in the same manner.  “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.” (Romans 1:20, NIV)

Creation points us toward a creator. Here, Mr. King employs, whether knowingly or not, the teleological argument for the existence of God. Quite simply, creation works so cohesively together it seems apparent that it was designed by an infinitely powerful and creative mind. There are a number of constants in our universe that are so precise, had they been off just slightly life would be impossible. The odds that these life sustaining values arose solely based on chance is inconceivable. William Lane Craig asserts that the odds of these constants arising based on chance would be similar to “firing a bullet toward the other side of the observable universe, twenty billion light years away, and nailing a one inch target!”

Later, King states in the interview that he also has his doubts about God. He shares, “But, at the same time, there’s a lot of things in life where you say to yourself, ‘Well, if this is God’s plan, it’s very peculiar,’ and you have to wonder about that guy’s personality — the big guy’s personality… I choose to believe in God, but I have serious doubts.” Here, I appreciate the honest way that he expresses his wresting match with faith. He looks at the cosmos and sees the hand of God, but he also struggles with big questions that cause him to doubt. Faith and doubt, these are opposing sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the presence of the other.

People that seek truth wherever it may lead often wrestle with questions and experience times of uncertainty and doubt. They also surge through periods where their faith is bolstered and rock-solid. It is interesting that King says, “He chooses to believe.” He could have meant several things by this statement, but I think at times when it comes to faith we must choose to believe in the midst of uncertainty and strive for answers and understanding. It was C.S. Lewis that once said, “Faith…is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Often, Christians feel as though doubt, whatever the cause may be, means that they have lost their faith, are less of a Christian, or are distant from God. Doubt is often cast in a negative light. Yet by suffering through those periods of spiritual drought our faith often grows. You see, I have struggled with questions of my own, but instead of keeping my struggles a secret or becoming worried that I would lose my faith I chose to believe. I pressed forward. I prayed for answers. I talked with people. God has been faithful to answer my questions slowly throughout my spiritual journey. It is interesting for me to look back and see the questions that use to shake my faith, now only to realize that those questions are not even close to being a stumbling block for me. God is faithful.

Stephen King is right when he says that sometimes God is difficult to understand. Yet, I don’t have to completely understand God in order to have faith. The fact of the matter is, if I could fully comprehend God, He would no longer be God. He would simply be an equal. God reminds us in Isaiah, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” While God has been faithful to answer many of my questions and provide me with greater understanding of who He is, some of my questions will have to wait. Perhaps my finite mind could not even fathom the answers in my present state. At any rate, God has provided me, and I think all of humanity, with enough evidence for faith to be reasonable. He has answered enough questions for me to keep the faith, fight the good fight, and finish the race laid out before me.

I admire Mr. King for his honesty and candidness about his faith. I hope he continues to look for the evidence, wrestle with questions, and choose to believe during times of uncertainty. I hope, if he hasn’t already, that he would read the Gospel of John and fall in love with Jesus Christ as many of us have. I hope that we all keep searching and looking for truth. The believer must not let doubt keep him from asking questions and growing. I have known many that struggled with their faith for years because they would not allow other believers to be a part of their doubt. We are not alone in our struggles. More times than not other people have struggled with the same questions we have. We can only get answers if we seek God, read, study, and allow others to speak truth into our lives.

Walk good. Live wise. Be blessed.
Josh

Often, in popular culture, you hear things like “I am looking for Mr. Right.” Couples often speak of being “made for each other.” Some people settle for much less than “Mr. or Mrs. Right”, while most people enter into marriage thinking they have found that one person who completes them. Then the months, years, or decades begin to pass like sand being forced southward into an hourglass and some couples have a sudden panic. “I made a mistake.” “I married the wrong person.” “Mr. right is still out there.”

Now it is true, some people do marry people that are abusive, unfaithful, or manipulative. When perusing potential marriage partners we should be particular. We shouldn’t ignore red flags. We should speak with God about our potential mates. We should keep both eyes fully open.

But are successful marriages predicated upon finding that single person out of seven billion people in this world that is built perfectly for you? Let’s say we even half that number, assuming that males and females are split evenly in the world populace. Is it reasonable to assume that there is a single person in 3.5 billion made perfectly for you? Who has time to search through that many potential mates? No dating website or database could locate the person that compliments you exactly. Yet, we find, that 50% of married couples wake up to the realization that they married the wrong person and the search for Mrs. Right begins all over again.

Are successful marriages about choosing the right person to love or loving the person you chose? I don’t mean to sound unromantic (because I am a hopeless Romantic and I bear full responsibility for that cheeziness), maybe some do find that exact person out of 3.5 billion prospects. I also think God will direct us to a great spouse if we consult Him and listen to what He has to say in our lives. Yet, so many people throw in the towel because the person they married isn’t what they had in mind, does not perform the way they think they should, falls below their expectations, or because they have consistent marital struggles.

Maybe marriage is more about choosing in the immediate moment, a choice to love despite the other person’s shortcomings. Perhaps marriage is about learning that love is not about life being perfect all the time, but is instead a tool God uses in our lives to grow us and teach us what His kind of love, unconditional love, looks like?

Many look at marriage as if God created it solely for our happiness, when sometimes maybe God wants to use marriage to teach us more about holiness. Don’t get me wrong, marriage is wonderful! It is filled with happy times, but it has its share of difficulties as well. God uses those difficult times to teach us about holiness. In those times He grows our character, shows us how selfish and immature we can be, and He gives us a lesson in loving others for who they are and not what they provide us.

I have always been infatuated by arranged marriages. One time I was talking to a cab driver from Vietnam who had been married over forty years. He explained that it was an arranged marriage. I asked him if he ever wished he could have picked a wife for himself. He answered, “No, I probably would have chosen poorly. I made dumb decisions in my younger days.” He then proceeded to tell me how happy he was with his wife. Interesting, isn’t it? Whether your marriage is pre-arranged or whether you handpicked your own spouse, in either situation one can have a good marriage or a poor one. What does that mean? I think it means that how we choose to respond and live in the now has great bearing on the intimacy we achieve and the happiness we find in marriage.

The fact is, some people do choose poorly when it comes to marriage. Some people marry the wrong person. But just because you feel unhappy, unbalanced, incomplete, or are tired of the struggles that often come with marriage, it does not mean you married the wrong person. In fact, odds are that you chose just fine. Maybe what needs to change is our own attitude. Maybe we need to choose to love that person and work on the marriage that we have.

Marriage is about learning to love who we chose more than choosing the perfect person to love. You may search the whole world over and never find “Mr. or Mrs. Right, but you can choose to start loving the person you chose. There are no perfect people. There are no perfect marriages. Our happiness depends on the degree we are willing to choose to love our spouse, mistakes, imperfections and shortcomings included.

What is one way you can show your spouse love today?

Walk good. Live wise. Be blessed.
Josh

As of late, I have had several people ask me where the title for this blog came from. Occasionally, a few people even correct my grammar. It should be “Walk Well” I am told. It occurred to me that there might be some others that wonder the same thing. So here is why we Walk Good here instead of walking well.

In July of 2008, my wife and I spent a week in Montego Bay, Jamaica for our honeymoon. We could not have asked for a better experience. Beautiful skies, brilliant sunsets, tropical cake melting in our hands (alright, I totally ripped that line from Kokomo), the waves gently lapping at the steps outside of our beachside vista and time to spend together enjoying the community with God’s creation. During our stay there we noticed a peculiar saying by the locals, “walk good.” We would hear this at various times throughout the day. After a show the performer would say, “Goodnight and walk good.” When we finished a meal our waiter would send us on our way and remind us in his thick Jamaican accent to “walk good.” This started to become a joke between Devon and I. We continually reminded one another to “walk good” throughout our stay.

During the week I started to wonder what does it mean for a person to walk good? Furthermore, how does a Christian walk good? As a minister and therapist I am constantly peeling back the curtain and looking at people’s struggles, habits, hurts and problems. I myself am no exception. I am a broken human being with more problems and shortcomings than I would readily like to admit. It is so much easier to deny them and make everyone else think I am walking hand in hand with Jesus Christ every second of every day. We all have our problems. I know a few Christians that would have me believe otherwise. A lack of struggles and problems do not a good Christian make. To think we are without our problems is narcissistic, egotistic, or living in denial.

One thing I have found is many of my problems, and this applies to all people, could often be avoided if I would simply walk good. My favorite verse in the Bible is Ephesians 5:15. It is verse that calls us to live to a very high standard and it is pure application. Ephesians 5:15-16 (NKJV) says, “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” Circumspectly means to look around. We get the picture of someone taking great care as they walk down a path. Each step is made with precision and vigilance. If you are a dog person, you know what it means to walk good, because as you walk through the back yard where Fido, Trixie, or pickles uses the bathroom you are very careful about where your feet land. This is what our Jamaican friends were communicating to us. They were admonishing us to be careful as we exit and make our way home. In this verse the Apostle Paul challenges us to live carefully. The NIV translation of this verse says, “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise.” The question is, are we living a life that seeks wisdom? Are we walking down the path of life giving great attention to how we walk and where we are headed?

So we get the idea from this passage in Ephesians that we are to live wise, that we are to be careful in living our lives. Knowledge is one thing and application another. How do we do it? We ask ourselves a question. We ask ourselves this question every day. Every decision and aspect of our lives should be funneled through one single question. What is the wise thing for me to do? This question should be the backdrop for our entire lives. This is not a question many people think, or even want, to ask. Most people simply want to know is there a rule against it. Is there a Bible verse that says what I am about to is ok, or does the Bible speak out against it? I believe we should consult the Bible for every decision we make, but asking, “is this a wise decision?” holds us to a higher standard. Just because there is not a rule or Bible verse against a certain action does not mean it is wise for one to do. Everyone has different struggles, histories, temptations, circumstances and experiences. What is wise for one person is not always wise for another.

Asking “what is the wise thing to do?” radically alters how we live and raises the bar for morality and making good decisions. In I Corinthians 10:23 (NIV) Paul tells us, “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive.” Just because there is not a rule or verse against something does not make it a wise thing to do.

Paul then goes on to tell us in Ephesians 5:15 to “redeem the time because the days are evil.” He tells us we are to “make the most of every opportunity we have.” Wise people redeem the time. People that walk good don’t waste the time they have. They realize that one wrong decision leads to another and this wastes precious time and energy. I see so many people squander the time they have. They often do this by living in denial. They want their life to be at a certain point. They feel they have a goal and they are headed toward it. They dream about where they are going. They talk about where they are headed in life. They even pray for God to bless their endeavors as they head toward said goal. When you actually evaluate their lives they are making no progress at all to where they want to be. It is the direction you are headed that determines where you end up. We can dream, pray, hope and discuss where we want to be further down the path, but if we are not taking active steps in that direction we are deceiving ourselves. Napoleon Bonaparte said, “There is in the midst of every great battle a ten to fifteen minute period that is the crucial point. Take that period and you win the battle; lose it and you will be defeated.” When it comes to living a life called to wisdom there are various windows of opportunity. One squandered decision cost us time and we may never be able to make it up. We must redeem the time. We are never stagnate; our lives are constantly headed somewhere, be it forward or backward. The question is, “are you headed in the direction you want to be?” Are you walking good? Are you living as the wise? This question should govern our lives.

We must keep in mind that it is not our wisdom that we seek to live by. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) challenges us to “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” We are to seek God’s wisdom if we hope to have a straighter path to walk down. We are to ask, “what is wise in relation to who I am as a unique individual taking into account my history, circumstances and struggles?”

It is based on Ephesians 5:15-16 that think about life and write my thoughts down. It is based on this principle that I seek to make sense of life and better understand how we are called to live. I could never have imagined what a difference it would make in my life to start writing down my thoughts and what I am learning. It has been both a blessing and a challenge.

Thanks to those of you that walk with me.

Walk good. Live Wise. Be blessed.
Josh

Lately, the internet has been aflutter due to some advice given by Pat Robertson on the 700 Club, which aired on May 15, 2013. A woman writes into the show asking for advice on how to forgive her husband who cheated on her. This is one of the biggest betrayals an individual can face. The current research suggests that 22% of married men have stepped outside of their marriage at least once. Obviously, this woman is not alone. One out of every five women share her pain, sadness, and wounding, at least those that find out do. This question deserves some serious consideration since so many women (and men as well) have to deal with the painful aftermath of a wayward spouse.

Robertson, reflects for a second or two, and then shares the “secret” to overcoming this marital betrayal. To paraphrase, he advises her to: stop talking about the cheating, focus on what her husband does good and accentuate the positives, stop focusing on the anger, know that males have a tendency to wander, make the home so wonderful that he does not want to stray outside of his marriage, and be thankful for the marriage that you have.

Perhaps Pat meant well extending this advice, but I find it difficult to believe that this women walked away feeling any better about the situation. This has left many people feeling sympathy for the woman that wrote in because her feelings weren’t really validated or addressed.

For one, it is hard to give any recommendation based on such little information. A person can definitely do more harm than good by offering advice when the whole story is not heard. This is why counselors often spend hours getting the history and behavior patterns of couples before offering any interventions. To simplify forgiveness and overcoming infidelity to such a simple formula stains the limits of credulity.

First, this woman’s, and countless other men and women who suffer the harmful wake of infidelity, feelings need to be validated. When betrayal happens, especially of this magnitude, you are going to be angry, along with a host of other often conflicting emotions. This is normal. Healing will not come in a night. It is alright to be mad. It isn’t alright to retaliate or try to harm the other person because this only complicates the situation, but there is nothing wrong with experiencing and working through emotions. There is nothing wrong with emotions. A person should not feel guilty for experiencing them.

Second, it is no one else’s job to keep a person faithful in their marriage. It is only my job to stay faithful to my spouse. It is a choice. Regardless of the temptation that is out there, it is every individual’s choice to remain within the confines of their marriage. Now, spouses can definitely assist one another. My wife does all she can to shield me from temptation. There are certain shows that she will not watch because she knows that I don’t need to see the flesh. I am not talking about Showtime movies; I am talking about things like Dancing with the Stars. When Victoria’s Secret ad’s come on, she quickly changes the channel. Not in a way to micromanage, only in a way to assist and help me avoid temptation. We also set up rules together to help us avoid compromising situations. We share all internet passwords and are transparent. This is how we avoid temptation. Yet, if a person wants to cheat, they will cheat, and that is their problem.

It would also be important to find out, was this onetime incident, or an ongoing problem? What is the root of the problem? Generally, infidelity grows out of an unhappy marriage, and not the other way around. Every couple is susceptible, so we had better not lower our guard and think we can avoid putting time and energy into our marriages. So was this a onetime incident? Is there any pornography in this spouse’s life (odds are good that there is with 70% of men and 30% of women viewing pornography)? Is there a sexual addiction present? Have one or both spouses happiness deteriorated in the marriage leading up to the affair? Is the spouse who committed the affair repentant? Do they want to work to resolve the issues in the marriage and move forward?

It is impossible to have a healthy marriage that is emotionally intimate if one person continually chooses to look to other people to meet their needs, whether emotionally or sexually. If the person is not repentant, or says they are yet habitually continues to look outside of the marriage there is little that can be done. It is important to understand that some people are sexual addicts that will struggle while getting help. But, if they refuse to even get help they are making a choice not to change. So the other spouse must decide: will I stay within this marriage knowing that this person refuses to change or will I seek to end the relationship. There are no other options. I am as pro-marriage as a person can be, but when it comes to infidelity there are no other options. A person cannot change their spouse. They must choose to get help and apply that help in their lives.

For the spouse who has been betrayed, moving forward will be difficult. Yet, it is possible. There is hope. There is always hope! As a counselor, I have seen marriages torn apart by infidelity find healing and happiness. Yet, one must know that things will be different. While the wounds may heal extremely well, the scar will remain. But this in no way means that the couple cannot have a vibrant, healthy, satisfying marriage. Many couples have overcome this deep betrayal.

If the unfaithfulness is not ongoing and the straying spouse is willing to get help, the couple can make progress. It is advisable that both seek marriage counseling. For the spouse hurt by the betrayal, forgiveness may not come immediately, but it has to come at some point of the marriage is to be healed. One mistake made in many marriages is that the spouse hurt never forgives. One must know that forgiveness is a choice. The past mistakes cannot be continually brought into the present or used as a weapon. Pat was right in once sense. Eventually, the past has to remain in the past. Forgiveness is often ongoing because at times we try to dig up the past and must bury it again.

It is no one else’s job to keep us faithful. We must choose to be faithful regardless of the condition of our marriage. We need not think our marriages are bulletproof. We must invest in them and help guard our spouse’s heart and mind. For those that have been hurt by infidelity, there is always hope. Cling to that hope.

Walk good. Live wise. Be blessed.
Josh

There are certain things Christians should refrain from saying. Why? Because, well, they are dumb! Don’t feel bad. I have had my dumb moments too. Let’s make sure to scratch these three from our Christian vocabulary.

1. God told me to ______. We have to be careful here. God does speak to us through His word. He impresses thoughts and ideas into our conscience. He influences us through other people. Yet, sometimes Christians play the “God told me card.” If we are going to say “God told me too” we had better make sure that He really did, because if He didn’t that would be putting words in God’s mouth. Essentially, it becomes using God’s name without God’s consent. I have heard Christians say that God told them to do many different things, and some of the things that “God told them”, I am pretty sure, were in direct violation of His written word. So either God forgot what He said before or He didn’t tell you. Sadly, some Christians even use God’s false endorsement as a means to manipulate other people. Don’t say God told me unless you are 100% absolutely sure that He did, in fact, tell you.

2. I just have to leave it in God’s hands. Certainly, there are times in life where we have no choice but to leave situations in God’s hands. We have to trust that He loves us, is well aware of all we will experience in life, and trust His guidance. Yet, we must also remember that leaving things in God’s hands does not exempt us from doing our part. Leaving things in God’s hands is not an excuse for us not to apply ourselves and work hard. “I have a test tomorrow, and I am leaving it in God’s hands.” Awesome. So you have studied all you can, right? “I am leaving the results of my sermon Sunday up to God.” Great! So you prepared and rehearsed adequately? “I am trusting God with my kids.” Wonderful. So you have poured yourself into their lives and done all you can to prepare them for what they will face? Trusting God is working hard and applying ourselves to whatever task we are given, and then trusting Him with the outcome.

3. I don’t need to go to church to be a Christian. This is absolutely correct! One does not have to go to church to become a Christian. A person is born in Christ by repenting and trusting in Christ. Case closed. It should be pointed out, however, that church attendance is a tremendous part of growing as a Christian. In fact, it is paramount. Think about how poor this logic is when applied to other scenarios. “I don’t need to spend any time with my spouse to be married.” No, but if you want that marriage to be anything special you had dang well better! “I don’t need to go to practice to play in the band.” True, but you won’t know the songs, and you won’t mesh with the rest of the band. You will be the bass player that is a beat behind the drummer, and that just annoys everyone. “I don’t need to go to school to be a student.” Nope, but if you want to pass the class you do! You get the point. Church doesn’t make one a Christian, but it is a big part if growing in Christ. We need other people. We need encouragement and accountability. We need to hear God’s word spoken (along with our personal reading), and we need to have a place to ask questions and explore our faith.

So, have you ever said “dumb things” as a Christian or heard someone else babble things that make you cringe? What are they?

Walk good. Live wise. Be blessed.
Josh

God, where are you when an earthquake swallows up unsuspecting people? Where are you God when fires ravage homes that displace thousands? Where are you when hurricanes pound the coast and inflict pain on countless lives? Where were you when tornadoes struck Oklahoma and demolished house after house? What about the kids, God? Why did innocent kids have to suffer and die? You are all powerful. You could have stopped it. Why didn’t you?

This is a big question. One that we all have wrestled with at times, struggled with, and either worked through or pushed to the back of our minds. Yet, when tragedy strikes it pulls the question back to the forefront of our minds. Why does God allow suffering? Why does he allow tragedy? Why do bad things happen to good people?

Many refer to these phenomena as natural evil, as opposed to moral evil, which requires some agent that inflicts pain. Moral evil is when a drunk driver kills an innocent child or a person abuses another. When it comes to moral evil we know that cause is due to sin. A person has the freedom to choose to abuse his free will and harm others. Yet, natural evil, or agentless evil, there is no person or agent that chooses to hurt others. It is the result of the natural order. It is a physical phenomenon that no one, per se, caused. These events happen without a causal agent. Yet, the question lingers, why does God allow it?

Before we seek an answer to this question from a Christian perspective, it is important to understand that every worldview must answer this question. From an atheistic perspective, it is bound to happen at some point. In our world, people will get hurt. It’s an accident we are here to begin with. So when natural disaster strikes, you simply lose the lottery. Someone had to get hurt, and your number was up. Incidentally, it ends there. Life is cut short. Life has no meaning or ultimate purpose. Hopefully you enjoyed the years in the sun you had. Then there are the pantheistic religions that say the tragedies we experience are the result of negative Karma. That is, the bad things you do create negative energy and you must pay off this negative energy by experiencing difficulties. So essentially, you are the reason that bad things happen to you? They might also say that suffering is an illusion, but last time I suffered it felt pretty real. None of these answers seem satisfactory or easy to live out consistently.

So what does Christianity have to say about natural disasters? Every now and then someone like Pat Robertson will pipe up and say that God directly causes natural disasters as a punishment for sin. We see evidence of this in the Bible in limited places. Yet, we are not qualified to make such judgments, and to do so is completely insensitive and downright narcissistic.  Furthermore, God using natural disasters as punishment seems limited to a specific socio-cultural context, that is, theocratic Israel.

While God does not cause natural disasters, the question still must be asked why does He allow them? Many question, if God is all-loving and all-powerful, then why doesn’t he stop tornadoes from ripping across Oklahoma? While I believe God is both all-loving and all-powerful, does this mean that God is under compulsion to shield us from all pain and suffering? To fully answer this question man would have to assume the mind of God. God has knowledge of every possible contingency and our knowledge is limited. As Charles Spurgeon once explained, “When we cannot trace God’s hand, we must simply trust His heart.”

Though we cannot assume the mind of God, we can make some observations. First we know that when God created the world, it was good. Suffering and evil were not present. When sin entered the world, death and suffering also did, and this applied to creation itself. Paul reminds us of this, “For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together with labor pains until now.” (Romans 8:22, HCSB). So natural disasters are tied to the fall itself.

We could also discuss how God uses pain in our lives, though this is often less than satisfying when we are in the middle of tragedy. Yet, sometimes God uses pain our lives for multiple reasons. At times it is to get our attention, build character, or to keep us from greater pain and suffering by exposing us to a smaller amount of aversion. Again, we do not know the mind of God.

This question has been examined from many different angles, but I would like to approach it from a different perspective. Often natural disasters are referred to as “acts of God.” We must ask ourselves, however, are “acts of God” limited to natural disasters? Might we remember that the very fact that we have life to begin with was an “act of God”? Creation from nothing was an act of God. The suffering of Christ was an act of God. The daily sustaining of the universe is an act of God. The very fact that my lungs continue to breathe in and out at this moment is an act of God. Let us not limit acts of God to the tragedies that strike.

We must also ask, is death underserved? Due to the effects of sin, everyone has an appointment with death. We think that we get some say on when that appointment should be. We deem it unfair when people die before  the average age, but say nothing when people live past the average age. Every day we get is solely due to God’s grace. We have no claim on our lives. Because God is the creator of life He can give and take when he sees fit, often for purposes that are beyond our immediate understanding.

Death will come to us all at some point. While it is hard for us to let go in this life, death is not something to be feared for those that know Christ. Death is hard on the survivor, but for the person that dies, they enter into bliss. Yet we forget this when disaster strikes because our emotions are greatly shaken, and rightly so. Yet we blame God for something that would happen at some point regardless, and when it does happen the person lost is in a better state than before. It is hard for us, the survivor. Yet, God gives us the capacity to overcome our grief.

Many would say that natural disasters are undeserved. Again, when we make this appeal we also forget about the good things that are undeserved. Do we, as unrighteous people, deserve anything? Yet, God is faithful to allow good things in our lives. If we make the argument that the bad is underserved we must also be consistent and say that the good is underserved.

In other words, the good that God allows in our lives we accept without thought or question. Yet, when tragedy strikes, God has allowed undeserving bad things into our life, and He is horrible for having done so, and even then, we don’t know His reasons for doing so.

Is it perhaps possible then, that in a fallen world that groans under the weight of sin, that God works in a way where the best possible and loving outcomes result? Is it possible that we focus too heavily on this life at the expense of remembering we were created for another world? Is it possible that we miss all of the blessings and provisions of God and focus only on the seeming injustices and tragedies?  Is it possible that amidst tragedy, God is right there with us? Is it possible that God holds our hand through the eye of the storm?

God created the world knowing that we would botch it all up. He knew as a result of this that He would have to send His Son to die for the sins of mankind, that all of humanity might be restored. Would a loving father make a decision that would involve the death of His Son? In the midst of loss we might remember that God is no stranger to our plight.

These questions are not easy, yet; only Christianity offers an explanation that comes close to satisfying. Either the universe is indifferent when tragedy strikes, we brought it on ourselves, suffering is an illusion, or God is in control even when we don’t complete understand it. He loves us, blesses us, and seeks our ultimate good. So much, that He suffered greatly be sending His own son, Jesus Christ, to die for us. We should point out that the reason this answer does not seem fully satisfactory is because we don’t allows get to know the why or connect the dots. We have a low tolerance for cognitive ambiguity. Yet, at this point, we simply have to trust that God is all powerful and all loving and He is in control.

Aren’t two sparrows sold for a penny?Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s consent.But even the hairs of your head have all been counted. So don’t be afraid therefore; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:29-31, HCSB)

Walk good. Live wise. Be blessed.
Josh