Late last night, I was having difficulty trying to get some sleep. I was rolling my goals for 2012 around in my mind, and I thought of a couple more things I would like to add to the list. I rolled out of bed carefully, so as not to wake my wife. I swiped the mouse to wake up the slumbering computer, which I was slightly envious of, and typed in my additional goals for the New Year. After, I did a quick search on Google to see what goals others had set for the year. Out of nowhere the blue LED on my monitor began to blink red. I thought my monitor might be giving up the ghost and then the screen flashed red and a website popped up. Upon inspection, the web address was www.satanwikileaks.imp. At this point I was taken back.  This was not your average pop-up. As I looked at the site, I came across Satan’s agenda for 2012. Apparently, even dark lord’s set goals every year as well.

Why was this even online? The best I can guess, some rogue demon underling had a beef with the head guy and started the leaks website. It has since been taken down, and I am sure the little imp has been dealt with. I doubt they had much trouble figuring out a form of punishment for the little incubus.

I jotted down as many of Satan’s goals for the year as I could before the website was shut down, and I thought you might find it beneficial if I shared them with you.

  1. Keep the message alive and well that there are multiple paths to God. Ingrain in people’s minds that all religions are equal and that to claim absolute truth is being intolerant.
  2. Promote the idea that people have no control over their sexuality. They cannot help what they feel or what they want. Sex is a natural animalistic instinct that should always be expressed.
  3. Cause petty problems in churches that cause people to blame the pastor and stop coming. This is the easiest way to cripple a church.
  4. Give people an insatiable desire for stuff. They must believe that having material items is more important than relationships. They must not have family time, keep them working and enjoying their individual hobbies.
  5. Keep Christians concerned with how they look. Make sure they focus on their image more than their hearts. They must be preoccupied with doing things to make them look good.
  6. Make sure that those filthy creatures known as humans blame God when bad things happen. Even though he didn’t cause the bad to happen, they must believe that he did.
  7. Make this summer especially hot so the women will wear less clothes. This gives us an edge when we play the lust card in the lives of men.
  8. When people vote in the presidential election this year, keep them focused on the economy and nothing else. They must not give credence to the candidate’s moral platform.
  9. Create competition within churches. They must not feel that they are working on a team heading toward a common goal. Instead, keep them jealous of each other’s ministries. Let’s up the dissention in churches.
  10. Let’s see how many Christian leaders we can get involved in sexual scandals. These are just fun, plus they make Christians look hypocritical. It does much to turn people away from Christianity.
  11. Don’t let people spend much time thinking that they have a limited time to live. Instead, let them think they have plenty of time to make things right with the enemy.
  12. Let’s keep fueling this porn industry. 28,000 people accessing porn every second is not enough. This number needs to be much higher because we know that porn use cripples relationships.
  13. Promote the idea that what a person does only affects them. This keeps people self centered and lets them rationalize their problems.

Walk good. Live wise. Be blessed.
Josh

Question: If you were going to play the Devil’s advocate, what goals would you add to the list?

Disclaimer: This is a fictional account meant to provoke thought.